ABOUT THE AUTHOR

This article is based on scientific evidence and clinical experience, written by a licensed professional and medically reviewed by experts.

Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, LMHC, CST, NICC is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in anxiety, depression, trauma, burnout, marriage, and Christian sex therapy. Learn more about the Christian counselors at MyCounselor.Online.

Let’s talk about great Christian sex (yes, we just said that)

Hey friend—if you’re looking for the best Christian sex advice that’s actually faith-honoring, science-savvy, and practical, you’re in the right place. Whether you’re preparing for Christian first time sex on your honeymoon, rekindling sexual intimacy in Christian marriage, or just want better sex for Christian couples, this guide blends biblical wisdom with Neuroscience Informed Christian Counseling® (NICC) so you can grow connection, confidence, and joy in the marriage bed. God designed your brain to heal and your soul to thrive—and that includes your sexuality.

What is NICC? (short version: Bible + brain science working together to help you flourish).

The NICC lens: why sex is more than technique

In NICC, we see you as an embodied soul—mind, body, and spirit designed to develop in relationship. Your sexual connection lives inside five developmental domains that grow across your whole life: Connection, Independence, Reality, Emotional Intelligence (EQ), and Spirituality. When wounds (what shouldn’t have happened) or gaps (what should’ve happened but didn’t) disrupt those domains, intimacy feels harder. The good news? With life-giving experiences, the nervous system can heal and intimacy can flourish.

If anxiety, shame, or past experiences are getting in the way, it’s not a moral failure—it’s a signal from your nervous system that something needs care. We help you listen to that signal, regulate your body, and rewrite old patterns so you can enjoy good sex in Christian marriage—with peace, play, and presence.

MyCounselor.Online is the leading provider of online Christian counseling. You can change your situation and THRIVE!

First things first: building safety and connection (before positions & “how-to”)

Great sex begins before the bedroom—with warmth, trust, and co-regulation (two nervous systems helping each other feel safe). In NICC, we call this BrainSync: attuned presence, soft eyes, relaxed voice, and loving attention that quiets alarm and opens the heart. Practically speaking, emotional safety increases arousal and pleasure—especially for wives who often need emotional connection before sex.

Try this tonight:

• Three-minute arrival: Sit facing each other, knees touching. Breathe slow. Name one gratitude, one stress, and one hope for tonight. (You’re telling each other’s bodies: “We’re safe.”)
• Warm-up kindness: One non-sexual kindness (tea, tidy the kitchen, warm blanket) lowers nervous-system threat and raises desire.

Want more on emotional connection and sex? Read: She Wants Emotional Connection Before Sex.

NICC’s simple roadmap for better Christian sex

1) Connection: “We’re for each other”

• Practice daily micro-bids: 20-second hugs, six-second kisses, small check-ins. This cues safety and primes desire.
• Replace performance with presence. You’re not being graded; you’re being known.
  Helpful reads: Sexual Intimacy: Connection in a “Roommate” Marriage and Five Strategies for Maintaining Intimacy.

2) Independence & Voice: “I can say what I prefer”

• Use “Would you be open to…?” or “I enjoy when…” to express needs without pressure.
• Newlyweds & “Christian sex for the first time”: slow is spiritual. Decide together on a gentle pace for exploration across days/weeks, not one night.

For new couples: Conversations to Avoid a Wedding Night Nightmare.

3) Reality & Limits: “Real bodies, real seasons”

• Expect seasons: stress, kids, cycles, illness, age—all normal. Adjust goals (connection > climax) and get creative with affection.
• Frequency questions? Start with a kind conversation: “What rhythm feels connecting this month?” Revisit often. See: Frequency of Sex in Marriage.

4) Emotional Intelligence (EQ): “We feel, then we flourish”

• Learn the emotional wave: most emotions crest within 30–120 seconds when welcomed in safety. Don’t stuff; feel it through together.
• If anxiety pops up (common for first-time or pain histories), treat it like a smoke alarm—pause, breathe, reassure, and proceed only when the body settles.

When anxiety blocks intimacy: No Sex After 6 Weeks of Marriage.

5) Spirituality: “God delights in our delight”

• Pray short, simple prayers around intimacy: “Jesus, thank You for this gift. Help us be tender and playful.”
• Let worship fuel wonder—not pressure. Embodied spirituality matters; you’re an embodied soul, and God meets you there.

For a theological frame: Sexual Immorality & 1 Corinthians 6:12–20.

Gentle, Christian-friendly sex tips (skills that actually help)

• Start outside the bedroom: 10-minute “bridge time” after work (phones down; hug; “What stressed you today?”). This predictably boosts desire.
• Sensate focus 2.0 (NICC style): Take turns giving touch while the receiver breathes and names sensations (“warmth in my shoulders,” “tingle on my back”). No goal except awareness and comfort; climax optional. This builds safety and increases arousal later.
• Pain or trauma history? Press pause on performance. Pursue healing experiences that mismatch the old story (“I’m alone”) with new truth (“I’m safe and cared for”), which can rewrite emotional memory and reduce sexual pain/anxiety.
  Explore: Navigating Sexual Trauma & Sex in Marriage.
• Whole-brain purity & pleasure: For couples working through porn or purity struggles, integrate left + right brain strategies (planning + emotion/relationship). See: Sexual Purity Using the Whole Brain.
• Christian oral sex tips & positions? Focus on consent, comfort, and care. Start with posture (pillows for hips/back), lube, and lots of verbal check-ins. Technique follows safety. (If you need tailored coaching, a Certified Sex Therapist can help.)

Looking for resources for husbands or wives? Try: Sexual Vitality in Marriage.

When “Fake Joy” competes with real intimacy

Sometimes we numb with screens, busyness, or porn because we’re anxious or disconnected. NICC calls this Fake Joy—a short-term regulator that blocks real closeness. Instead of shaming the behavior, get curious: “What is this protecting me from?” Then seek connection, comfort, and honest conversation. That’s how we trade numbing for true happiness (stable peace, joy, and satisfaction anchored in hope).

A note to newlyweds (and those having sex for the first time as Christians)

• Make pleasure a class you take together. Explore slowly over weeks, not one high-pressure night.
• Normalize awkward. You’re building new neural pathways; laughter helps.
• Create a restart ritual. If anything hurts or feels anxious, stop kindly, cuddle, pray, and try a different day. That’s Christian better sex—patient, playful, and loving.

New here? This is a great primer: Conversations to Avoid a Wedding Night Nightmare.

How Christian counseling helps you have great sex in Christian marriage

Our NICC therapists specialize in attachment, emotion-focused couples work, trauma-informed care, and sex therapy. We help couples heal wounds, fill gaps, and learn embodied skills that make intimacy safer, kinder, and hotter (yep, we said it). If you want a Christian sex manual that’s personal to you, counseling is where it’s written—together.

Meet our team and training: Christian Counselors You Can Trust and Find a Christian Sex Therapist. Start here: Christian Marriage Counseling or get matched at MyCounselor.Online.

 

Quick-start plan: 7 days to warmer, wiser intimacy

Day 1: Three-minute arrival + gratitude.
Day 2: Sensate focus 10 minutes, no goal.
Day 3: Talk preferences: “More of / Less of / Curious about.”
Day 4: Play date—humor and touch, no pressure.
Day 5: Pray together (30 seconds) before bed.
Day 6: Try one new touch/position with ongoing check-ins.
Day 7: Debrief kindly: “What helped you feel loved this week?”
Repeat and adjust. If you get stuck, that’s your sign to invite a guide.

Conclusion

You were made for great Christian sex—the kind that’s tender, joy-filled, and holy. When we slow down, build safety, feel our feelings, and invite Jesus into our real stories, bodies relax, desire awakens, and intimacy deepens. If you want help, we’d love to walk with you. Book a session with a NICC-trained Christian counselor and start your next chapter together.

MyCounselor.Online is the leading provider of online Christian counseling. You can change your situation and THRIVE!